Saturday, December 4, 2010

When the man weeps...

Somehow it awes me acutely when I see a dignified man weeping in front of me. For some reasons it’s commonly discerned that masculine tears do not simply shed in public!

However, I have witnessed two abrupt reactions that still remain vivid in my memory. The first, when I was still freshmen or almost sophomore. During asking my professor some questions; he got a phone call, after he ended his call which did not exceed several minutes with limited and countable words like “yes, aha, okay then goodbye” he gasped his pen silently trying to explain the question I asked. While he was clearing my question, gradually his voice was getting stifled then suddenly his eyes rolled with tears. His ability to speak totally ceased. Somehow his miserable state and the way he sniveled dismayed me.

“Well, I got it now, thank you sir I have no more questions” I calmly said. He nodded once as to say you can go. Then I left the place swiftly in a state of bewilderment with achy heart. The next day we heard that his brother passed away.

The second, was utterly not anticipated which occurred couple of days ago after a long debate with my uncle. Actually he is political man with utterly serious and choosy personality but on the opposite he is such kindhearted person. However, the main reason behind our debate is that he was upset with me.

” For some reasons I’m really upset with you” My uncle firmly said.

” What is the reason behind upsetting you?” I demanded in a shock.

“First of all; listen to me dear, if you’re not dear to me I won’t tell you that” he said.

“Sure” I nodded preparing myself for the next.

“Well; since I traveled out of the country I did not get even one phone call from you, I spent almost one month there, why?” he said sedately.

“Besides you know that I have never ever upset you even by hint” he added.

I was listening to him while he was talking hoping that my reasons can persuade him.

“ Well, believe me I always ask my family about you, plus once you told that the spiritual connection is better than phone calls as long as you’re alright; I get all your news daily so no need to disturb you during your business trip I think” I said in a low voice.

He stared at me as my justifications are not persuasive enough as I don’t really care.

“Hmmm….” My uncle said shaking his head slowly from side to side.

” Uh my dear uncle; you don’t know how much I love you and how much I care about you. You’re like my father; you mean a lot to me. Everyone knows that you’re mostly strict but what I believe in is that you’re such tenderhearted. You’re one of the most beautiful parts in my life. I stated impulsively.

“The transparency in the way you expressed your feelings made me speechless” he said surprisingly.

However, when I peeked into him I glimpsed his eyes red and almost in tears. He was looking away from me so that he let his tears dry within before they disheartens him and shed down.

Subconsciously tears filled my eyes too; after I marveled at his first emotional respond I’ve never seen before.

That moment I was thinking about something to break the silence which ruled the atmosphere.

Suddenly my sister came telling me I got a phone call (Thank God). I looked at him to ask if I can go. He nodded at me silently.

To be honest, I left the place smiling with great ease telling myself that people around me are right when they say that I respond unpredictably sometimes but finally I saw your tears mighty man!

The next day I was waiting attentively to hear my uncle’s usual gossips about how we both responded; but he did not tell anybody till now neither me.

What I’m sure about; when it comes to his valuable masculine tears he will never ever say. But the thing that I still did not understand yet; why men feel it’s ashamed when their tears dropped for a serious reason; why they deny their sympathy and prefer facing the world rigidly evermore?

I abhor the tears when the reason behind shedding them is something ridiculous. But it’s fine when we disburden our heads and express what we feel simply.

To my uncle; thank you for your supportive words I’m eternally grateful, and thank you for your faith on me. Love you my dearest uncle.

9 التعليقات:

Constructive Attitude said...

My dad is a sensitive man, meaning he cries very easily whether it is something he might remember about his parents (who passed away when he was very young) or if he is talking about the Prophet (SAW) or just talking about us, his children. I've always admired that about him because he doesnt shy away from it like other men do. Society has made it like this and it's very unfortunate. But I'm glad you shared this story about ur proff and your uncle. Whatever happened with your uncle btw?

Dubai Guy said...

Who says we men never cry? Perhaps it is the pressure of the society that stops us from shedding tears in front of people :)

Skeptical Empiricist said...

Great post :)
I guess your question only men can give a sincer answer for it!
But I think they would be selective to whom shoulder they will cry on.

rosh said...

Well, it's by design. We, often, cannot cry..even if we want to in some instances. I have "attempted" to shed a few ahem..manly / masculine / strong, tears whilst saying goodbye to mom & dad every year after the holidays, but darn, nothing!

However, they come out, in the rare occasions, whilst in solitude :) Sometimes I don't even know what happened and where the water works are coming from..ahem :D

Rationality said...

@ CA
Oh dear your father is so nostalgic I just got impressed by his tender part and the way he often reacts; you’re lucky to have such a father; may Allah bless and protect him for ya.
Well, after I got the call he left; but couple of days later he called me telling he missed me:)
@ DG
It’s commonly discerned that men don’t cry and when they do, they simply deny, saying there is something got into their eyes or they pretend yawning :D. The society is always the dominative ruler unfortunately. But we must attempt diminishing the irrational backward thoughts.
Welcome to my blog btw:)
@ SE
So glad you liked it darling :)
Yep, and I got some answers here and there I even asked my brother the same question previously :)
They would choose the strong and silent shoulder to avoid the gossips undoubtedly :D
@ rosh
Yeah dude just keep *throat clearing*:D
You just hit the point I desired. Why you don’t share others such moments. I’m sure after you said goodbye to your parents your eyes shed some tears. I mean its okay to shed some in front of close ones like parents brothers or sisters. Tears are not a sign of weakness plus it’s not a girly thing even girls do not accept crying in public! When the man shed some that shows how humanitarian he is and that complete his manly side confirmedly. I don't think that is a nature rosh its overtraind thing since your childhood.
A pleasure to read you guys thank you :)

Hijabis On Ranting Tour. said...

hey sis rationality what a cool blog you have here its amazing because i was also talking about this topic to my sisters today, i personally get very scared or worried or sad when a man cries because they dont do it often so i think something major has happened, i dnt beleive its a natural thing its the way society has moulded them and an attempt to be strong, ive seen men in my family cry occasionaly and thats few with no expression and barely tears lol
lovely post
allah keep your uncle for you
i have an uncle i love very much too :)

Rationality said...

Hello naz
Glad you liked it and welcome to my space dear.
So we have the same point :D
""ive seen men in my family cry occasionaly and thats few with no expression and barely tears lol""

*Chuckle* those few tears got dropped after irresistible attempts to shed them. They do but you did not get the chance to see how they snivel horrifyingly when something utterly grieved them as they substituted the days they did not weep in.
Amen thanks a lot hon:)

Kitten said...

Firstly,I find your way of expressing yourself in words fascinating. You have such an amazing vocabulary, mashallah. Keep writing and I shall keep following.

Second, I agree with one of the comments above that says society prevents men from doing so as it's preserved as a sort of weakness, sadly.

Rationality said...

Welcome to my blog Kitten :)
Dear Kitten, it’s my pleasure to be praised by such talented writer like you :)

As for your point, yes, I agree with you; but there must be some exceptions especially when it comes to highly educated people and new generations.

In our life there are several amazing examples of great men who simply wept in public like the greatest man our prophet Mohammad (PBUH). That’s why I’m saying it’s not a shame to cry and it’s not a sign of vulnerability ever, men are humans too and we must reject irrational thoughts strongly.

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