Saturday, December 4, 2010

When the man weeps...

Somehow it awes me acutely when I see a dignified man weeping in front of me. For some reasons it’s commonly discerned that masculine tears do not simply shed in public!

However, I have witnessed two abrupt reactions that still remain vivid in my memory. The first, when I was still freshmen or almost sophomore. During asking my professor some questions; he got a phone call, after he ended his call which did not exceed several minutes with limited and countable words like “yes, aha, okay then goodbye” he gasped his pen silently trying to explain the question I asked. While he was clearing my question, gradually his voice was getting stifled then suddenly his eyes rolled with tears. His ability to speak totally ceased. Somehow his miserable state and the way he sniveled dismayed me.

“Well, I got it now, thank you sir I have no more questions” I calmly said. He nodded once as to say you can go. Then I left the place swiftly in a state of bewilderment with achy heart. The next day we heard that his brother passed away.

The second, was utterly not anticipated which occurred couple of days ago after a long debate with my uncle. Actually he is political man with utterly serious and choosy personality but on the opposite he is such kindhearted person. However, the main reason behind our debate is that he was upset with me.

” For some reasons I’m really upset with you” My uncle firmly said.

” What is the reason behind upsetting you?” I demanded in a shock.

“First of all; listen to me dear, if you’re not dear to me I won’t tell you that” he said.

“Sure” I nodded preparing myself for the next.

“Well; since I traveled out of the country I did not get even one phone call from you, I spent almost one month there, why?” he said sedately.

“Besides you know that I have never ever upset you even by hint” he added.

I was listening to him while he was talking hoping that my reasons can persuade him.

“ Well, believe me I always ask my family about you, plus once you told that the spiritual connection is better than phone calls as long as you’re alright; I get all your news daily so no need to disturb you during your business trip I think” I said in a low voice.

He stared at me as my justifications are not persuasive enough as I don’t really care.

“Hmmm….” My uncle said shaking his head slowly from side to side.

” Uh my dear uncle; you don’t know how much I love you and how much I care about you. You’re like my father; you mean a lot to me. Everyone knows that you’re mostly strict but what I believe in is that you’re such tenderhearted. You’re one of the most beautiful parts in my life. I stated impulsively.

“The transparency in the way you expressed your feelings made me speechless” he said surprisingly.

However, when I peeked into him I glimpsed his eyes red and almost in tears. He was looking away from me so that he let his tears dry within before they disheartens him and shed down.

Subconsciously tears filled my eyes too; after I marveled at his first emotional respond I’ve never seen before.

That moment I was thinking about something to break the silence which ruled the atmosphere.

Suddenly my sister came telling me I got a phone call (Thank God). I looked at him to ask if I can go. He nodded at me silently.

To be honest, I left the place smiling with great ease telling myself that people around me are right when they say that I respond unpredictably sometimes but finally I saw your tears mighty man!

The next day I was waiting attentively to hear my uncle’s usual gossips about how we both responded; but he did not tell anybody till now neither me.

What I’m sure about; when it comes to his valuable masculine tears he will never ever say. But the thing that I still did not understand yet; why men feel it’s ashamed when their tears dropped for a serious reason; why they deny their sympathy and prefer facing the world rigidly evermore?

I abhor the tears when the reason behind shedding them is something ridiculous. But it’s fine when we disburden our heads and express what we feel simply.

To my uncle; thank you for your supportive words I’m eternally grateful, and thank you for your faith on me. Love you my dearest uncle.